My soul is not at peace.

My soul is not at peace. When will this needless violence cease? I’m tired of raising my arms, to Black Lives Matter. Why do we have to justify our existence? Why do we have to beg to live? Why do we have to mourn our brothers and sisters, day in, day out? Innocent people murdered on the streets, and yes, I will call it what it is, because it is murder. Alton Sterling, Mike Brown, Philando Castille, Tamir Rice. What do these men have in common? They were black and they were needlessly murdered by police officers in the States. Innocent yet brutally cut down. If racism doesn’t exist then why, can somebody please tell me, why are my brothers dead. Why is society pardoning their murderers with no consequences? Why does society revile us? Dylan Roof went to an African American church in Charleston and while the members of the prayer group bowed their heads to pray, he murdered nine people. For no reason other than for the colour of their skin. When police arrived at the scene of the crime they apprehended Roof without violence. When Roof told officers that he was hungry they took him to Burger King to get him a meal. Why was there a difference in treatment you ask? It’s simple. He was white and Tamir Rice was black, one deserved a takeaway meal for his crimes and one with no questions asked was murdered. America the so called “Land of the Free”. In 1865 slavery was abolished, yet it is now 2020 and my people are still in bondage, slaves to societies whims, slaves to the stereotypes associated with the colour of our skin. My people are being targeted in the streets, gunned down like rabid dogs. Yet when we try to protest for our basic human rights and appeal to our tormentors humane side we are labelled as thugs. The movement Black Lives Matter (BLM) campaigns against violence and systemic racism towards black people. When the movement began, people immediately labelled the supporters of the movement as thugs, some argued that it should be all lives matter. If all lives mattered then there wouldn’t be black lives matter. (Perhaps: If all lives mattered, then there wouldn’t be a need to campaign that black lives matter). Yes sir, no sir, thank you sir. Seven words, tell me why these are some of the first words my aunt had to teach her children in relation to dealing with the police? Tell me why in this day and age it is ok? Please somebody tell me why, because I honestly have no words left. Sandra Bland did all the right things yet she is still dead. The system is rigged against us. This situation feels hopeless. I don’t want my future children to grow up in a world where there is no hope but to be honest I’m tired. I’m tired of crying out to a society that refuses to hear my cries, I’m tired of hoping for a better tomorrow. Why is it that over 150 years after slavery ended, we’re still hoping for a better tomorrow, we’re still burying our brothers, sisters, sons, daughters and we’re still crying out for salvation so why can’t anyone hear us. When Donald Trump was elected as the 45th president of the United States, it was as if a safe place was created for racists. Since the beginning of his campaign to date, there has been a marked increase in racist attacks and discrimination. Trump's reaction to situations escalates these attacks. In 2017 in Charlottesville there were Nazis, confederates and members of the Ku Klux Klan marching in broad daylight. I don’t even know why I’m still shocked that this happened in 2017, it never stopped, it was just hidden better. Many people were injured that day, Heather Hayes was murdered thoughtlessly yet, bar one man, all those people (Nazis, confederates and members of the Ku Klux Klan) happily went back to their jobs on Monday morning with no consequences. And how does Trump react to this? “I think there is blame on both sides … you had a group on one side that was bad. You had a group on the other side that was also very violent.” This statement by the president is very disheartening, there is evidence to show that the Nazis, confederates and members of the Ku Klux Klan were the violent ones so is the president attacking the counter protesters? Are they the “bad people?” Colin Kaepernick started protesting police brutality and the inequality that people of colour in the United States face in August of 2016. He did so by initially sitting for the national anthem and then altering his demonstration to take a knee after speaking with veterans. Kaepernick has faced backlash since then. However, when President Donald Trump said that NFL owners need to fire the “sons of b*****s” who are “disrespecting the flag,” it ignited more protests. If the Ku Klux Klan can be protected by their “first amendment right”, then why aren’t Kaepernick and his fellow protesters protected? Ahmaud Arbery, 25, was killed February 23, 2020. He didn't live far from where he was shot. His family says he was jogging when the shooting happened. Arbery was shot after two men saw him running in their neighbourhood and armed themselves with guns before getting in a truck to pursue him. God I don’t even want to think of his last moments, I literally feel sick to my stomach you know. Chased down like a rabid dog in the streets, for jogging? Almost three months later, those murderers have not faced any repercussions, the father was a former police man you know… “Black people can’t be racist”. I used to argue with people that of course black people can be racist but what I’ve learned in the past two years is that “black people can’t be racist. Prejudice, yes but not racist. Racism describes a system of disadvantage based on race. Black people can’t be racist because we don’t stand to benefit from such a system”. If I make stereotypical remarks about how white people don’t flavour their food, that will have no effect on anyone. It has never had any serious repercussions, they’re not going to lose their job over it. But remarks about how black women are always aggressive, loud and angry could and has led to many women losing their jobs or being treated with prejudice. Stereotypes about black men being thugs has ultimately led to their deaths. If you're racist I’d honestly prefer for you to keep all your comments about the colour of my skin to yourself. How many bloody racist TikTok videos do I have to see? I don’t even feel outrage anymore because I am tired. I’m not even shocked or outraged anymore. I’m tired of people using our abuse and pain as some sick reach for clout. People say that they are protecting their first amendment right but at what point is it too far? How can we love a place that is slowly killing us and our people? How can you love a place that refuses to love you back? That country was built on the blood of our ancestors, yet they just won’t stop taking more. They took our heritage, our livelihood, our children, our lives. Why? Can someone, anyone, please tell me, why do they keep taking more. When will it be enough? I just don’t understand, how can another human being decide whether or not I deserve to live? How can another human being have that power in their hands? Why does society allow this? Why? Signed,

An angry but not defeated black woman.